Uhhhhh like, it sucks a little but it is what it is? Some days I catch sight of them and get really sad, not that they’re there or that they’re visible really, but that I had to go through such a hard time and felt so alone. It’s a very visible reminder of a shitty time. And the regret isn’t because of its visibility, but what it reminds me of.

It’s like dating an abusive person, in a way. There was definitely pleasure there. A sick, twisted and toxic form of pleasure sure, but it was pleasure. And that came at a price.

In short, I don’t hate/love them all the time. I cycle between the two and for different reasons. They’re a part of me. There are times when I wish they weren’t, but they are. And I appreciate the devastation and how I rebuilt but I wouldn’t, if given the option, devastate myself like that again.

If you’re looking for reasons not to do it, there are a million and one.

If you feel safe enough, please feel free to message me privately if you need to talk. Otherwise, if you don’t feel like there is a person in your life who you’re comfortable talking to, please get professional help. If you’re in Australia you can go to your GP and get a mental health care plan (something like 10-15 free sessions with a psychologist).

And whatever you’re going through right now - I promise - will pass. Even if it doesn’t seem like it right now.